Wednesday, October 3, 2012

A Distant Memory


I remember being in love. It is a distant memory, far from the shores of the ocean that is my consciousness. It is as though it's from a life that's not my own. Or from a dream I had long ago, only remembering vague bits and pieces, and questioning if those remembrances are even real...lips mouthing the words 'I love you' and arms wrapping me in a familiar embrace...

If I ever suspect these memories to be false all I have to do is take a look at my scarred heart. Scarred from when I opened it up, invited someone in, and was more surprised than a family on Extreme Home Makeovers when that person I invited in destroys my house as if this were Extreme Home Makeovers. Except in this version, they leave after the demolition and leave me to pick up the pieces.

But that was long ago. I have recovered and have come to terms with the experience. After all this, I am not afraid to open up as I did before. I will not lock the door to my heart. I am just looking for the right person to put the welcome mat out for.—No, not looking. I am waiting. Patiently waiting. Not looking for love or thinking of it for that matter. Although, at times I feel my train of thought (riding on top of my stream of consciousness as though Jesus himself was the conductor) go on unscheduled trips to revisit the idea of love...to keep this at the forefront of my mind, while I try to keep it on the back burners. Though love has brought me some pain, I wear my scars as a veteran wears his war medals, with pride.

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